Recap of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City: World War Zion
Incredible. This week The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City was simply world class. In my expert opinion as someone who has watched every franchise religiously from the very beginning, I would say this is probably one of the best installments of the modern era of Housewives. And I know that’s a hot take on the aftermath of the episode. But that’s something I’ve been thinking since I looked at the screener a few days ago. Housewives doesn’t get any better than that.
We were given everything in this episode. The collapses. Howling matches. Pointing fingers. Hypocrisy. Charges. Comic relief courtesy of the only housewife under federal indictment. Changing dynamics and questioned loyalty. A housewife gets a front row seat for another’s (alleged) worship. And it all ends with a cast member hooking two of his enemies to electrode machines in some sort of sick revenge torture fantasy about them questioning the validity of his father’s memorial. I mean… does that cover everything? If you’re angry or not feeling emotionally fulfilled by this episode, I really don’t know what to tell you. But let’s start at the beginning…
who is in the middle of Lisa Barlowepic hot mic moment. And while she privately tears up her best friend for allegedly sleeping with half of New York, Meredith Marks threw a tantrum in his own room. And naturally, the only person she’ll let in to witness it is Mary Cosby. However, her main point is a simple question: why would she even lie about her father’s memorial? What if it had something to do with Jen Shah‘s arrest, don’t you think she would want to be there and have it all happen firsthand? What a…valid point.
During this time, Jennie Nguyen interrupts Lisa, revealing that she actually goes to a masked producer, who rushes into the bathroom to hide from the cameras. Lisa feels totally unsupported and left out in the cold, and turns her anger on the other “wives”. It doesn’t matter if it’s Jennie or Jeans Where heather gay, everyone is now directly in his line of sight. Despite falling to pieces, Lisa still manages to instantly cast classic one-liners. Like, say, “Guess what? I’m fucking richer than y’all. I don’t need to be f-king here!” Heather says it best for all of us gorgeous baby fans: “I love an unhinged Lisa Barlow.”
That much, Whitney Rose tries to take credit for defending Lisa after he left. But the real problem here is Lisa’s crumbling friendship with Meredith, who is frankly a terrible friend. Instead, Meredith prefers to stay Marriedwho mutters in a corner how heater has the “snobbery of a true Mormon”. Jeans‘ isn’t wrong in his assessment that Lisa’s loyalty to Meredith has been taken for granted and that Mary and Meredith’s alliance is just, in her own words, “weird a-bulls-t.”
During this time, Whitney approaches Meredith downstairs in the kitchen. Supposedly to make amends, but the conversation just kicks off the second round of World Zion’s War. (Or is it three? Four? I’ve lost track of how many feuds are bubbling amidst all this chaos.) Instead, Meredith throws out an analogy — a device that’s always been used all the wrong way manners on Housewives. How would Whitney feel if Meredith said she didn’t believe she hadn’t spoken to her dad since last season? Whitney sees this as the lowest blow. Seemingly lower than even his interrogation of Meredith’s father’s memorial, which…says something. Though the Wild Rose Beauty founder couldn’t help but throw the whole PI situation in Meredith’s face, sarcastically asking her if she should have hired one to find the memorial date. Phew. How Meredith didn’t rip Whitney’s head off, I’ll never know.
While Whitney withdraws to signal (and slightly exaggerate) the confrontation to the other ‘wives, Married is right next to Meredith, seeming to relish his fights with the other women. You can practically see Mary’s wheels turning as she whispers manipulations and validations into her new best friend’s ear. It’s creepy, and it works. Because Meredith goes upstairs and demands to know who, exactly, wentssiped about her father’s death. Whitney’s response as she steps out of the bathroom is “everyone”. But Meredith wants names. She gets her own name, Lisa and a little somehow Jenny out of his mouth before Lisa came out of nowhere to end the conversation. Lisa denies any speculation about the date of the memorial, and a screaming match between the now 10-year-old best friends ensues.
But where is Married In all of this? Always in the kitchen completely avoiding any conflict. However, when confronted by a visibly angry man Whitneyshe pulls out a coin from the Meredith Marks manual and disengages. Well, not until you throw a few jabs initially. It’s clear that Mary basically hates everyone in this group besides Meredith. She’s loyal to no one but Meredith. And apparently this trip was his way of giving the other wives one last chance. But Mary isn’t interested in any of that anymore. Which adds up considering she didn’t bother to show up for the meeting. And yet, Meredith still insists on defending Mary, who has been such a good friend to her. And so the night ends. With Lisa more disappointed than ever.
The next morning, the trip is officially over. And thank God for that. I don’t think Zion can handle one more day of Housewives drama, to be honest. Lines were clearly drawn and loyalties shifted. You know it’s true when heaterhe is the one who checks Lisa in the morning. Lisa is still devastated. It’s clear that Meredith doesn’t care that much about their friendship. And the other women still haven’t gotten the answers they wanted. (Although Jeansthe assertion of in his confessional that she answered all the questions the women had about his arrest ridiculous.) Married and Meredith’s weird wedding ring is still the most confusing piece of the puzzle here. Although Meredith insists on returning to Utah in the sprinter van. Just to prove a point. But Mary refuses, choosing to ride in an SUV, possibly with a production.
Back in Salt Lake City, things return to a tricky normal. Lisais breaking the raclette grill. heatercelebrates her daughter’s commitment to UC Santa Barbara. And Jeansprepares with his lawyer, facing the possibility (now realised) that Stuart Smith could turn around and testify against her. Oh, another thing Jen does? To visit Marriedthe church. Yes, you read that right. It goes directly into the belly of the beast. At Mary’s invitation, in fact. And I will say this: nothing a puzzled Jen witnesses inside that chapel does anything to dispel the idea that Mary’s congregation adores her. Among the words that the assembled believers use to describe Mary as she is fanned by an assistant? “The perfect friend.” “A perfect teacher.” “The master of positivity.” “The perfect chest of drawers.” (That one received real applause.) “Beauty that is beyond divine.” Oh, and “the facsimile of God.” Facsimile meaning “a true copy”. In case the people literally kneeling at her feet don’t tell, it sure seems like Mary is revered to me…
During this time, Meredithhosts a hybrid reiki ceremony workout to cleanse from the toxicity of the girls’ trip. And she’s invited Whitney and heater to join her. So that’s… weird. Especially considering they left Zion in such horrible conditions. Whitney thinks this is her friend’s way of apologizing while covering her tracks. But Meredith has something much more conspiratorial in mind. When Bad Weather’s cousins arrive at Meredith’s house in Park City, she hooks them up to a live electric current through electrodes. It’s apparently a muscle stimulation machine that mimics a workout. But with Meredith dominating Whitney and Heather, it feels a bit more like a medieval torture method.
With his enemies attached, Meredith starts with an apology. She hates how everything blew up in Zion, okay? Although when an uncomfortable Whitney asks her to turn the power down a notch, the camera literally shows Meredith pressing a button that does absolutely nothing. heater argues that she and Whitney were simply trying to “clear the way” for Meredith to respond to all the other ladies’ gossip. Which doesn’t really add up considering that she and especially Whitney have been leading the charge the entire time. But that still hasn’t become clear to any of the other women…
And Meredith wants to set the record straight. His father’s memorial was the day before Jeans has been arrested. What was the day she originally said heater. And now the cousins take the opportunity to point fingers Lisa for causing all the confusion. Because Lisa is the one who called Meredith from the sprinter van and thought she was interrupting her father’s memorial. But Meredith’s explanation that she wasn’t even in Aspen that day doesn’t really make sense. Why was she whispering when she answered Lisa’s call? And why didn’t she clarify when Lisa told her to “go be with [her] family”? Hopefully all of these issues will come to a head in two weeks during the season finale! (Blame the Super Bowl, people.)
TELL US – WAS THIS EPISODE ONE OF THE BEST IN MODERN HOUSEWIFE HISTORY? ARE YOU TEAM LISA OR TEAM MEREDITH? IS WHITNEY THE ONE WHO PULLS ALL THE STRINGS AND STRIKES THE POT? DID MARIE ENJOY WATCHING MEREDITH IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE OTHER WOMEN? DID IT SEEM THAT THE CONGREGATION OF MARY WORSHIPED HER DURING CHURCH SERVICE?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]